My housemate took a pee on my bed. No, really. Because it's funny apparently. But don't get mad, get even, right?  So, I maybe possibly woke him up holding a pillow above his face. What? It's not like I was actually trying to suffocate him. Yeah, AND I got punched in the clit! Like, what kind of lucky shot is that? He was still half asleep ( Read more... )

All night was spent choking down tons of weird music, not sleeping. Thanks go to my friend for that. Wretched bitch just crashed out on me. Sleep is not an option at this point. Lolling around drinking countless cups of coffee until someone wakes up enough to entertain me, while avoiding my phone like it's the giant syphilitic elephant in the room ( Read more... )

Dude, nooo! Right. Had to get that out. California is postponed... this is the part where you yell no with me. My friend's family has gone all fruit loop bat-shit so he's flying to Denver to play Mr. Fix-it. Um, he is not good at that role, like, not good at all. That's the surprise in hand number one ( Read more... )

My cousin's being sent to stay with me for a bit. What the fuck is her mum thinking? "Oh, just let her stay for a bit." Really? Cos that conversation sounded a lot like "I'm just going out to get cigarettes. Watch the kid 'til I get back."

Damn silent you fucking owe me was obnoxiously loud. This is how my family works. They just pass you around ( Read more... )

when you got completely fucked up, and were convinced your pulse was, like, dancing with the music? Then you went around telling everyone to feel your neck, but you had headphones on. No one had a clue what fucking music you were even talking about.

Naturally, I do not know in the slightest. I was gone. Point A and point B were obscure, so you can ( Read more... )

Just reading the new chapter by lazarus_girl, and thought "Hey, I'd have your kids because you're a genius!". Like a very, very painful reminder the kid I was watching whacked me in the knee with a bat... Thanks, universe. Right. I.Will.Never.Have.Any.Monsters.

The Artist, part three^That's what I got bat smacks for. Definitely worth it ( Read more... )

Babysitting. I have no idea why my friend asks me. Honestly, I'm like an 8 year old ( Read more... )